Why is everybody making such a big deal out of Shania Twain's trip and fall entrance to the CMAs Wednesday? Is it because she is so lovely? Talented? Because she made such a big deal out of it?
*This image is an AP photo from The Hollywood Insider*
The "most embarrassing moment of your life"? Really? Like finding out your husband is cheating on you with your best friend rated below that? Hmmmm.
I am a clutz. Always have been. You know the DaVinci drawing of the Vitruvian Man? We were studying it in art school, learning proportions. The instructor asked us to stand up and put our arms down to our sides. Our center of balance he explained, should run directly through our wrists. Hmmmm. While the other students realized that their ran through their lower abdomens, mine? Went through my thighs. I have extremely long limbs and a short torso. My center of balance was non-exisistant. So that explains it.
In high school, my art club, decided to go to the University of Richmond to see a comedienne/mime perform. At some point, she asked for a child to come to stage and all of us pointed to our art teacher who is a very small woman. Instead, she called six foot tall, sixteen year old me. As I approached, she made some remark about arresting me for smuggling watermelons. Hmmmm. I asked her if she was ticketed for smuggling walnuts. Everybody laughed. She handed me a microphone and gave me a cue to follow at the end of a story she enacted. It was a tale of a frog and a princess and at the proper point, I croaked into the mic. One of the Furry Godmother's hidden talents is that she can replicate the exact sound of a croaking bullfrog. The Mime's jaw dropped. The crowd roared. I curtsied.
The stage lights were blinding as I approached the edge. Did I mention I was wearing brand spanking new Frye boots that I had never worn before? Step one, I managed. Step two, I fell promptly on my derierre. The gasping of the crowd (of cute college boys, dammit) nearly sucked me back up onto my feet. The comedienne ran to assist me. "Are you all right?" she exclaimed.
"Oh, yeah," I sighed, "I'll do anything for a laugh." And the crowd, thinking by now that I was part of the act, bellowed with laughter. And gave me a standing ovation as I gave them the queen's wave back to my seat.
Shania, even that wasn't my most embarrassing moment. Hmmmm.